We showed the rough cut of our film to our media class. Here is what our media class said about our rough cut.
- Production company ident has been made in Livetype. That's fine, but you need to change Livetype settings to PAL and 16:9 so that it matches the rest of your film. You can change the settings and then just render & export it again. (At the moment you are using NTSC and 4:3).
- The Glam Productions ident disappears just a little too quick.
- Same applies to the film title; wrong settings and not on screen long enough.
- Establishing of shot of train station with train movement is good, but maybe the 'starring' text needs to be a little bolder.
- Music fade-up at 0.35 needs to be a little slicker (perhaps more gradual).
- Dialogue in 'swing scene' needs to be clearer (overdub whole film?) and the camera moves just at the end of the shot. You seem to fade over Stevie's last bit of dialogue.
- Love the way that the photo blows away. Was this deliberate?
- At 1.26, it isn't clear that he tried to kiss her until she slaps him. Perhaps a change of angle is called for?
- Some of the shots of Rob at the station linger just a little too long (1.58 for example). Keep the pace moving.
- Shot of Stevie at the bus stop is crying out for a focus pull.
- At 2.10 we have a shot of Rob's bum. I know he bends down into shot, but I'm not convinced that this is the best choice of shot distance. Can you make it more obvious that he is watching her?
- At 2.16 it seems funny that Rob to talking to her on the phone and then we see her raise the phone to her ear. Was he leaving a message?
- Again, the grass in the foreground is in focus and surely we want to see the characters at the bus stop?
- At 2.26 there is a sudden colour change.
- At 2.30 (and other places) the camera shutter effect is too prominent in the mix (do digital cameras have shutters?)
- Love it when she turns round and Rob ducks; good editing. Would be even better if we could see the couple in the distance from behind Rob.
- At 2.35, the POV shot is too shaky don't you think?
- At 2.42, it would be good to cut to the medium shot of Rob sitting back at the station first; before we cut to a close-up of the next photo.
- Cafe shot, at 3.05, is out of focus. Again, begging for a focus pull to Rob in the background. I expect that this is what you attempted, but it didn't quite work.
- POV shot at 3.13 works great.
- Where is the ambient sound at 3.23? We can hear the camera, so why can't we hear the wind & traffic?
- When Rob walks out of shot here (which is a good idea), he doesn't quite walk out of shot. You need him to do it in a more assertive/aggressive/intimidating manner than his previous movements; to represent the building of his emotions; moving from hurt boyfriend to suicidal psycho. The way he stays on the edge of the shot doesn't quite work; you don't need to show him at all as we know that he is still watching them. It is more tense if even the audience doesn't know where he is!
- Inconsistent ambient sounds around 3.50.
- Photo shot at 3.53 is a little weird. Wouldn't Rob be seen if he was that close?
- Tracking shot at 3.58 is effective.
- Rob still looking down at 4.16 is a little strange. The other bloke is now standing up! I know Rob is probably just hanging his head in depression, but it doesn't quite look right. Get him to look at the other character.
- At 4.18 he walks too close to the camera and the framing is now weird. This would work is Rob continued to walk towards the camera (until it goes dark) and then you can cut to the opposite view showing Rob approaching the other bloke or walking off. That would make a good march-on-action. Are there any MOAs in this film?
- Need shot/reverse shot during the dialogue between the two blokes (just before 'Joe' runs off). The editing needs to be fast pace here to represent Joe's building stress.
- At 4.42, Rob looks a little weird. I know you are using green screen, but I'm sure this can be improved now that you have a little experience.
- Cross-fade jump shots of Rob walking up the path need to be symmetrical; he should 'miss out' the same amount of path each time for this to work really well.
- When Rob stands up in the train station shelter, you cut his head off. This is sometimes ok, but you need to be able to demonstrate the advantage of only showing his torso at this point. I think you can't! Remember, you are assessed on framing; what you exclude as well as what you include.
- When he walks to the train tracks, why would he think to put down his camera/phone? He's just about to commit suicide, why would he worry? Would be more tense if he walks slowly and erect; imagine how someone would walk if they were sleep-walking; that's what I'm talking about. Would be good if you could then introduce some kind of shot of a train speeding past (perhaps via a cut-away so that Rob doesn't actually have to jump in front of a train to get the shot). Or maybe a more shocking sound effect!
- At the end, Stevie should run up the path and stop dead in her tracks; cut to close-up of her shocked face and scream; on the scream, cut to her falling to her knees (in a much more convincing way than she did here. Sorry Stevie).
- Slower fade required at the end; to represent life fading away (both his and hers).
- End credits are not good. Not enough of them and too big. Why not differentiate between the job titles and the person's name? Consider all the roles of all the people; including production crew and actors. Consider all the roles you see at the end of a real film. You can put the same person's name forward for several roles if that helps.
- Excellent use of fades throughout; even though I usually advise against using them, you've used them in a totally appropriate manner here. Well done.
